Thankful Day 1

Two weeks from today will be Thanksgiving. I've decided to spend the next 2 weeks writing each day about a place of thanksgiving. Day 1: as I awakened this morning I am thankful that routine and order have been restored to me in my eating.

Crossroads

Hillsville 2012

For several days, really weeks, I've been thinking and contemplating about my situation. My weight, my health, and my failures. It's not a fun place to be when all you can remember is the many times you have attempted something and failed. In fact this is not really a place I like to visit or ever suggest anyone goes. Yet, it's where I've been and it seemed to lead me to a crossroad. I received an email from a dear friend who had read my post "Move", she spoke truth and hope to me, her words:

"I remember when I could not move for pleasure. Taking a walk was prohibited because of pain.  I also remember the September day in 2005 when I took my first walk in probably 5 or 6 years.  I felt as though I was flying. I felt giddy, feather lite (far from it!) and FREE!  Move as you feel the need to move today. Move because you can. Move for someone who cannot. The Holy Spirit in you has given you a simple suggestion. A doable one with many empowering choices. Seize the one that appeals most to you and do it with joy-because you CAN.  As I look at people 25 years my Senior, I realize that my time of free moving is waning. Carpe Diem."

This week I came to a place of peace, decision, and action. My tried and true, Weight Watchers was going to be my friend again. I decided I wasn't going down that road that leads to death but the one leading to life, change, and hope. Lunchtime yesterday I walked in the doors, armed with humility, fear, and weakness. I left with cautious anticipation. My journey begins one step at at time because I can.

New Hope

Waiting and Watching Topsail Island
October 2012

Each day brings a new hope. We can count on the sun to rise and set each day. Today is a new day for my journey. Faith and anticipation are hiding in the crevices of each step I take. He calls us to move, to hope when we can't see what lies ahead, and to believe His promises. Some days it's easier than others.

Dad

Claudius Dockery III

Thirty-two years ago today my father chose to end his life. His life and death changed me. 

Move

I'm not sure when it came to me but I began to get the visual image of the word move; I began to think about it. God was encouraging me to begin doing just that. As I pondered this word I began looking for opportunities to move and focus on its benefits. 

Resolve

I'm a little embarrassed to write about this but truly this resolve is where Grace in Mardo begins. Many who know me have heard me lament about my weight. But in the past years I have lamented less out- loud and lived with it more internally and alone. I've gotten to a certain point where I've given up. "I will just be overweight" and try being satisfied where I am. Honestly, I don't like saying those words;  deep down I don't really believe it, yet.... why can't I either "just do it", or be happy and content where I am. That is the big question I am asking myself and want to begin journaling about on my blog.

I've always felt like it's too personal to write so much about what is so obvious, it's the hidden sin that everyone can see. Yet, recently I've been very inspired by people who have shared their stories and are actually working through it. So for the few that read this blog, will you join me on this journey?

Death

I know this is a dismal post but isn't it all around us?

In June we hosted our 2nd annual MarDo Stay-cation which includes having our family at our house (MarDo) for the weekend. We basically play, eat, fellowship and just be. Several days before the weekend a former Caldwell student Justin Sharp, and good friend and classmate of the girls, took his life. Saturday of our Stay-cation was spent traveling to his funeral. It was a sad day.

Friday, September 28 we all safely arrived at Topsail Beach for a family beach trip. Saturday morning I'm checking my email and discovered our friend Keith Pruitt from Asheville took his life on Thursday night. His wife was a mentor for our girls when they lived in Gboro, and our fondness for them has remained over many years. The impact of his death is great.

32 years ago on October 30, my dad took his life. I will never forget the day nor the emotions that followed. Death is so final. It leaves a wake and a lifetime of questions for the survivors.

My thoughts go out to my friend Chris and her children as they bury their husband and father today. This side of heaven we don't know or can fathom the pain that drives a person to this act. We want to understand yet we most likely won't. It becomes a mark in our life.

I do know from my own walk that God will use this event, this loss for his glory. May God meet my friends during this sad and dark time. May their be glimmers of light and hope around the corner.